


The World Shifted on its Axis, But Just For Me

by JellyDishes



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Gen, gender discussions, gender handwave-y varric, transgender carver
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:53:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22355953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JellyDishes/pseuds/JellyDishes
Summary: Carver begrudgingly sits down with Varric to discuss where some of that defensiveness comes from. As it turns out, they have a lot in common.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	The World Shifted on its Axis, But Just For Me

Carver threw himself down onto his usual bench at the Hanged Man, hissing in disgust when he sat down in a puddle of what he hoped was spilled ale, and dragged a hand down his face. Again. Hawke had leaped to his defense again today when someone had misgendered him. Sure, hurrah. Let's all praise the perfect scion of the Hawke family, the one Leandra unthinkingly called 'man' when she still stumbled over calling Carver her son, or Carver at all, when it had been years, almost half a decade.

Carver hated that he couldn't hear his older brother sometimes without having that cold twist in his gut at the thought of all of those who weren't like him, or who were. Damningly, frustratingly cis, with all that that implied. Sometimes he wondered if it wouldn't be better if he'd-

"Heavy thoughts, junior?"

Carver let out a laugh on the exhale and tipped an expression that was more a humorless twist of his mouth than a true smile down towards the knot of his hands. "You know I hate that," he told Varric, but it had no heat, sounded more. Resigned. Every time he was called by it it only struck home that Varric would never think of him as a man, he'd only-

Carver barely glanced up when Varric sat beside him, his brows pinched. "Hey," Varric said quietly, and paused, seemingly to collect his thoughts, before he went on, "you're still growing, still figuring out who you are. Some of us still think of you as-"

Carver stiffened, thinking Varric would finish with 'a girl' or any number of similar things he'd endured for years, but instead, to his surprise, Varric went on to say, "a teenage boy, you know? We can all see you want to be part of something bigger than you, but is it so bad to think of you as that lone voice griping at my ear about Hawke?"

Carver stared, dumbfounded, only growing more so when Varric winked at him. "Come now. You know I play fast and loose with words, why wouldn't I do the same with gender?"

Carver's mouth worked, but nothing came out. Spots of color darkened where pale streaks marked his fawn colored skin, embarrassment, and something more. "If you're trying to say something, spit it out already, I don't have time for puzzles."

"Ah, you're right, I apologize for interrupting your busy schedule," Varric smiled, spreading his hands at the empty table. Carver flushed still further, partially hidden behind the arm he still hasn't let fall, and he peeked out at Varric as the dwarf went on, "speaking as someone who spent a very long time becoming what I am now, I thought you'd understand, but maybe not. I-" he paused to look down at the stained tabletop between his hands and then back up at Carver. "I'm not a man either, nor a boy, get that out of your head. I, ah, I just use 'he' because it's easier. Odd as it may seem, people understand a trans man or trans woman better than they do someone asking to be called 'they.'"

"You're saying you-"

"I'm saying that the word 'junior' seemed to me to imply a time of, hah, of transition. I thought you'd appreciate the joke."

Carver's brows drew up, then down, and then he started to laugh, laugh until his sides hurt, and he couldn't have voiced why, save that that cold twist had eased its grip on just enough to allow space for a breath or two, just for now, and he was remembering what it was like to be able to breathe, really breathe, for what felt the first time in years.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize in advance for any delays in responding to comments, I have very bad social anxiety. Thank you for your patience!


End file.
